Life, as I know it…

Life, as I know it…

Some people come into our life as a blessing. Some people come into our life as a lesson. Then again, there are times, when a person who was a blessing suddenly gets to be the one through who Life wants us to learn a valuable lesson. When that happens, we, in our anguish, are not able to see the bigger picture. We feel let down by that person. We feel betrayed. We are emotionally drained. It feels like our soul has been ruined. We let out silent, soul-crushing cries into the Universe and feel the need to ask, ‘why?’ More so, because we know we always did right by them. What we do not realize at the time is that it is fated that we learn our toughest lessons through the ones we love the most.

The Universe never sends us lessons on a whim. The Universe doesn’t suddenly decide to cause us pain and anguish. We, by our actions, invite these lessons into our lives. These lessons, and the way we handle them, determine our final karmic destiny.

When the tears flow and the heart cries out, night after night, into the pillow, there comes a time when you suddenly feel a sense of calm descend over you. You take a deep breath and you delve into your soul to seek answers.

We humans usually seek answers on the outside. It’s at that moment of calm when you realize, they aren’t out there. They all lie on the inside – within us. To gain the answer, you have to dive deep within the realms of your soul. You have to honestly analyze your actions and your deeds. You have to sort out the mental chaff from the wheat. When the Universe believes we have endured enough, it will gently reveal the reason for that lesson to us.

It is up to us to believe the reason revealed. It is up to us to make amends for the wrong which led to the lesson. Learning the lesson is painful but if you have delved into your actions with honesty, then knowing and accepting the reason will be a hundred times more painful. It’s at that time that you will understand the error of your way, the wrongful deed committed by you. You will believe for yourself that it was indeed a lesson to be learnt: a well deserved ‘thwack’ from Life.

If you endure something that hurts you everyday and if you suffer the anguish from those you love the most, then, after you have cried your heart out, take a deep breath to calm yourself. Think back on your actions with veracity. After all, you can lie to the whole world but you can’t lie to your own self. Think back on the hurt you caused to someone who loves you unconditionally and compare it with the hurt you are enduring through the person you love unconditionally. You will find a connect!

When you find that connect, approach it with truthfulness. Accept the mistake and make an honest decision to mend what you did wrong. As soon as you decide to make amends you will, at that very instance, begin to heal. I promise!

~ Bawi ~

P.S: Yes, there does exist a thing called ‘unconditional love. I believe it exists because I receive it everyday (touch wood) and there are people to who I give the same.

God’s Chosen Child… Rest in Peace!!

As I woke up this morning and logged in, the first thing I did out of habit was check Ajit's FB page. I've been doing it for sixty days and more, to check whether Ton or Denzy (Srinanda) had posted any requirements for blood or finance. This morning there were none. There were only messages saying, “RIP”. 

There are times when you do not need to meet people personally to know them. You only get to know of them, and yet, they become a part of your life. I knew about Ajit through Ton and Denzy. I knew him as Sarita bai's son, the lady who worked at their home. I did not know Ajit or his mom Sarita personally, and yet, over the last two months I knew them better than so many others who I know personally. Both such brave souls! Ajit, merely twelve years old, ailing from a rare blood disorder, Aplastic Anemia, and battling the daily agony of injections and various medical tests. Being prodded and probed by doctors 24x7. His mum Sarita, silently yet bravely, watching over her son, watching him bear the pain. 

Tons of people, friends and strangers, came forward to share this child’s agony and pain. They worked to ease his pain. Life doesn’t give everyone such a chance, a chance to make a difference to somebody’s life. I believe with all my heart that I didn’t choose to work towards Ajit’s cause, it chose me! For that I consider myself blessed. I believe that not only for me, but for each and every one who came forward, in time, to help Ajit. We didn’t do anything for him, he did it all for us! 

We did all we could, but Ajit was destined to meet his Maker. Ajit is gone and with him is gone a piece of my heart. A piece that now belongs to him... Forever! 

~ Bawi ~

P.S. 

Now that Ajit is gone, Ajit’s FB page (Friends of AJIT - https://www.facebook.com/friendsofAJIT?fref=nf ) will close down in a few weeks. I want this brave child to forever live on in our heart, hence felt the need to pen this article.

A Rose Garden......

She was a confident, twenty-four year old. She had very caring parents who instilled good values in her, not just by word, but by example. As far back as she could remember, she had always had health problems, even as a kid of eight. She, however, happily went about her life giving little thought to the ailments that cropped up lest they affect her joie de vivre. In her early twenties she moved to another city, went on to learn a new profession and excelled at it. She sought success and found it too, but in the bargain, she further damaged her health.

                                                

Years went by and at the age of thirty-two she moved back to her city, this time with even more health issues. She tried to ignore them as usual, but a year later, she could ignore them no more.

Even as a kid, she had always been over-weight, but having neglected her health she was now clinically obese. Suffering from a thyroid disorder worsened the scenario. She began taking thyroid medication but within eight months of the medication, something went drastically wrong. The medication was having an adverse effect. Her thyroid and her weight were spiraling out of control. She reached a staggering two hundred and eighteen kilos. Resultantly, she suffered from several obesity-related ailments. The soles of her feet began retaining water and every time she walked, it felt like she was perpetually treading on live coals. Her lower limbs cramped because of lack of blood supply. She suffered from high blood pressure and acute sleep apnea, wherein she would choke in her sleep and wake up gasping for breath.

She kept ignoring the ailments and the symptoms. Two months later, when the pain became unbearable, she could ignore them no more! A doctor, a surgeon no less, was called for a home visit because she was in no condition to even walk down two flights of stairs.

It was the surgeon’s first home visit. He was a surgeon, not a mere physician, hence wasn’t ever required to visit patients at their home. He examined her and honestly told her that she would have less than ten days to live if she did not immediately undergo surgery.

The lady underwent a series of life-threatening, surgeries over the years. These were major surgeries, not ones that could be done laparoscopically.

All through her surgeries she kept up a brave demeanor, more so for her parents than for herself, because she happened to be their only child. Though her parents, too, stayed brave and very jovial, each time she wheeled into the operation theatre, she saw a smile on their lips but dreaded fear in their eyes.

She was a firm believer of karma, but in the beginning when those series of surgeries began, she would wonder why she was fated to be cut up so much and so bad. The surgeries left her with unimaginable scars, some twelve or fourteen inches long, and some, even longer. Each time her surgery scars would take five or six months to heal. She maintained there was a reason for her suffering; she believed there just had to be one. She wanted an answer as to what that was. She craved an answer!

She clung to her faith all through her pain and agony. She believed that in spite of all she endured, there was someone up there giving her the strength to carry on each day.

They say when you are at your lowest you grasp on to whatever you can, to survive. One day fate brought her to a book. The book, ‘Many Lives, Many Masters by Dr Brian Weiss’, went on to be her log of wood to survive the rapids she was drowning in.

Her earlier views and thoughts on karma cleared up. She had always accepted the blows life dealt, but now, she accepted them gracefully, as lessons. She knew that these were lessons she had to learn to clear her karmic debt. She no longer questioned the blows life dealt, she simply accepted them with a whole lot of love. She no longer felt the need to question the Universe. In fact, every time life knocked her down, she learned to smile and sent into the Universe, a ‘thank you’ for the lesson life taught her.

The lady went on to live a healthy life. She still lives! Yes, she does. She never fails to send out a prayer of thanks, each and every day, for all the lessons life teaches her and for the strength life gives her when she needs it, be it through family, friends, strangers or even a book.

She understands she has to nurture the soil (soul) given. She has to plant the right seeds and water them with care and devotion. The weeds need to be trimmed when they appear. She understands she has to give the plants time to grow into a beautiful garden. She understands He never gives us a ‘ready-grown’ rose garden. He teaches us to grow one of our very own. She is learning to grow one too.

~ Bawi ~

Painting: Roses - oil on canvas by Khorshed Bokdawalla

Photography: Kainaaz Writer Bokdawalla

True Fiction……

Affee's Dada Kaka and Havovi Fui

She isn't home from work yet. He looks at the phone, picks it up, nearly dials her number, and then stops himself. He knew he would upset her if she was working late. More than that, he was scared to distract her in case she was crossing the road or climbing the stairs. After all, she was sixty-six, even if she refused to stop working.

Minutes tick by. Slow, agonizingly slow. He goes into the kitchen and puts on a kettle to boil some water. He warms the milk, brings out the cups and keeps the packet of tea bags ready. With each passing minute, the agony of waiting increases. He promises himself, this time he would tell her off. He sits worried, wondering and waiting for her to return. She hadn't even called to say she would be late. Its past five in the evening, he wants his tea and she is out, gallivanting somewhere, probably at the library, picking up novels and having tea with Bipinbhai and Damjibhai or at Royal Stores getting some office papers photo copied.

He walks to the window and cranes his neck to see if he can see her walk into the building. The door bells rings. His neighbours, a lovely mother-daughter duo, Mary and Affee, who live on the same floor, have come over to meet him. They check in on the couple regularly and drop in for a chat. They come over quite often for a pot-luck dinner just so that the gentleman and his wife don’t feel too lonely. 

Seeing her neighbour in an agitated state Mary asks, “What’s wrong? Shall I make you a cup of tea?” He politely declines, and then angrily mumbles, “God knows when she will realize that it’s time to retire. We should be spending our days in Pune with our daughter and son-in-law and yet, here we are in Mumbai because she won’t quit her job. She doesn't realize that her body is taking a beating with her working day in and day out at this age. She just doesn't listen to reason.”

Mary understandingly nods her head. She tactfully refrains from commenting. She admires the wife who is brave, wanting to lead an active life even at sixty-six. But she also empathizes with the man worrying for his wife’s health, his wife of forty-seven years! She sticks to just nodding in an understanding way, while the man resumes pacing the floor, all the while muttering in his mother tongue, ‘aaje avse toh hu ene haath ghali ne levas ke tabiyat no khayal rakhtij nathi’ (Translation: When she walks in, I wont spare her today in regard to the callousness towards her health). All the while Mary and Affee continue nodding their heads sympathetically as if to say, ‘you are right, she should take care of her health at this age.’

The door bell chimes and Affee rushes to open the door, hugs her aunt, the wife, and whispers, “Hi Fuiji, we've been waiting for you.” In a giggling tone she continues, “Kaka, too is waiting for you. He’s been worried and very angry. He’s been a muttering mess the past hour.” The wife hugs Affee, winks at her and walks in with a smile.

She smiles at Mary, says ‘Hi!’ and walks up to her husband. He’s at the stove, re-heating the kettle for their evening tea. He turns around, sees her and his face lights up like a thousand watt bulb. They gently kiss each other on the lips. It’s their way of saying ‘hi and bye’ to each other when either of them walks in or out of the house. They've been greeting each other this way for forty-seven years hence Mary, Affee or the world being around just doesn’t matter to them. He looks down at her face with immense love in his eyes and in a gentle voice says to her, “I’ve been waiting to have tea, where were you held up sweetheart?” She begins to tell him why she got delayed. He pours out tea for all of them and for himself. He brings out the box of Batasa and Shrewsbury biscuits that his daughter has sent for them, from Pune. He peacefully sits down, listening to her talk about her day. Now that she is back home safe, he has forgotten all his anger and worry. All the angry, worried mutterings have melted away.

After tea Mary and Affee head back home. On the way Affee, with a grin on her face tells her mother, “Kaka’s anger just melted away at the sight of Fuiji. He was so furious when she hadn’t returned on time, and yet when she got home he didn't say a word to her in anger. All that mattered was that she was back home safe. I guess that’s the love, care and respect that have kept them together for forty-seven years and counting (Amen!). It’s hard to find such love these days and when I get married I hope my husband cares for me, just as much as Dara Kaka cares for Havovi Fui.” She smiles, a far away dreamy look in her eyes, wondering who would walk into her life and sweep her off her feet… for a lifetime.

~ Bawi ~

For Mom and Dad: The most precious gems of my universe <3